Hello friends,
My grandfather (baba) was taken to the hospital at 10am after his brief spell of fainting. I was out working the whole morning and afternoon and only managed to come to the hospital in the evening at 6pm. A lot of people had gathered in front of the ICU unit, and only two to three people were allowed inside the ICU.
Later on towards the night, as there were less people there, I took my grandmother on the wheelchair inside to see baba. He had a breathing tube inside his mouth, and was breathing heavily through the pipe, making gasping noises. He had an IV needle in his arm, and a pulse-reader on his finger. Will this be his last night? I could not bear to think about it. I still held on to the hope that he will hold on to his life. After sitting there for a while, my uncle suggested that I take my grandmother home since she was so exhausted being at the hospital all day long.
She was not getting up from her seat. She wanted to be by his side for as long as she could. I grabbed hold on to her arm and motioned her to let us leave. She asked for a minute alone with baba, and I let her be. From behind the screen, I saw a very powerful image of love manifested in what my grandmother did. From as early as I can remember, I never saw my grandparents show any display of emotions or love to each other in front of others. They were always reserved and maintained a certain kind of relationship in front of others, which never really displayed any signs of love. But tonight, what my grandmother did with baba broke dissipated all those memories and proved to me that love is indeed the strongest bond that can hold two people together.
She got up from her chair, and leaned over to baba, whom doctors had said has gone into a coma. She held on his arm so lovingly, and then spoke something into his ears. I don’t know what she said, but she spoke for what seemed like a long time. With her other hand, she fixed up his hair and rubbed his forehead, just in the same way a mother pats her child with love. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I had never seen my grandmother show any physical display of love to baba, and yet here, she was doing everything. After fixing his hair, she leaned over a little bit further and kissed his forehead.
“Allah-hafiz,” was all that she said.
I helped her into the wheelchair, and she said to me, “This may be the last time I see your baba alive.” So overcome with emotion, I quickly went up to my baba and kissed him on his forehead and whispered into his ears, “Baba, this is Mansur. I want you to know that I am praying for you and that I will be remembering you.”
I left the ICU unit with my grandmother. We eventually came home at midnight. For the next three hours, that one image of my grandmother leaning over to kiss my baba on his forehead was imprinted into my mind as a very powerful image of love between my grandparents, who I saw for the first time in my life as a husband and wife, and not as mere grandparents. I saw for the first time my grandparents as a couple, who were once young like us, who have feelings for each other even at this age. It was such a sweet moment for me to take in.
The phone rang at 3am. My mom jumped out of bed.
“Mansur. I have to go the hospital. It’s not good news.”
I stayed back home with my 10 year-old cousin, while my mom and grandmother went to the hospital.
3:30am, several people came home. I opened the door.
With a single eye contact from my other cousin, I knew baba was no more.
---Mansur
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Earthquake! A picture diary.
Hey friends,
Here are some of the pictures from the Quake affected places in Muzzafarabad, which was very close to the epicenter.
We left Lahore for Islamabad on the Motorway, which was about 3-4 hours by car. The drive is initially boring since the landscape is flat and dry, but as soon as you progress further, you pass through the Salt Range Mountains, which makes for a very interesting drive.
I don't know why, but I found this tree very fascinating. When you see all other trees covered in leaves, this one was without any. The stark contrast made for an interesting sight.
A view from the mountain road, where one can see tents plus temporary shelters all set up. It was a sight to see from up above because one gets a clearer picture of how huge the scale of devastation is.
It's a beautiful city, complete with a river flowing through.
The Tent City where we distributed aid and relief goods. There was a near mob-riot scene as people realized we were giving out money.
The white areas on the mountains is where the debris came falling down, taking everything in its path, including houses and people.
One of the many houses that were damaged. There is nothing liveable in the city. Every single building, house, shop has been damaged.
There are bodies beneath this rubble. The thought of knowing someone may be under there was a scary one, and brought on a strong feeling of helplessness in me.
As I said, nothing is safe. Every single place has been damaged. People are living out in the tents. Even those houses that are partially damaged are empty as people still fear, and rightly so because aftershocks and tremors are still being felt.
The night before, the men stayed in this tent, where we had to endure temperatures of below 10 degrees centigrade, which in my book is way too cold. We got a very good idea of the conditions these people were in now.
I left with a strong feeling of helplessness, because I wanted to help each and every person out there, mainly the kids. More on that later.
Conversation with Baba
Hey friends,
When I had reached Pakistan just before Eid, I was going to see my grandfather (baba) after more than a year. The last I saw him was in September 2004. He fell really sick and was hospitalized in January 2005 and his health had been deteriorating since then.
As soon as I entered the room, the first thing that struck me was how thin he had become, almost skeletal like. His arms had no flesh; instead it looked like skin covering his bones. He had become really weak and was lying there as if he were sleeping, eyes barely open. He did recognize me when I introduced myself. I could not register the shock I experienced when I saw him, but in front of baba I had to act natural.
Over the next few days, I did spend some time with baba. He was aware that I live in Dubai and he would be asking me questions about Dubai, even though he would slur many times when speaking. He had always been an intelligent person, seeking to increase his knowledge all the time, and even now, as he was lying sick in his bed, he would ask me general knowledge questions. His mind was still sharp, but we realized as days progressed that his mind was deteriorating, and his ability to keep up with his conversatiing was fading fast.
My grandmother never left his side, but one particular evening, I asked my grandmother to go with everyone to a function while I would stay behind and look after baba. She was happy I had offered to stay behind and skip out on the function. Two of my other cousins stayed with me as well. The particular conversation I had with baba that evening will always remain with me for as long as I can remember.
Baba was in bed, and I was holding his hand, rubbing it. He would respond to my rubbing his hand by clutching tight my hand. Suddenly he spoke out.
“Mansur. I need to go to the mosque to pray.”
“Baba. It’s 10:30pm. The mosque is closed now.”
He went quiet. But after 10 minutes, he told me he absolutely has to go to the mosque to pray. I would tell him that it is late, and that the mosque is closed and that he can go to the mosque for the Friday prayer. Again, he went quiet. Then, ten minutes later, he asked me to give him the ablution (wudhu). I got a bucket of water, and washed his hands, mouth, nose, face, arms and feet.
“Ok, now I am ready to go to the mosque,” he said.
“It is almost eleven, baba, we cannot go. Why don’t you pray in your bed?”
He would not take no for an answer. He was so adamant to go to the mosque, for reasons I did not understand. Then I asked him something which helped me understand his intentions.
“Baba, how old are you?”
Without even pausing for a second, his answer came out in an instant: “75 years old.”
In reality, baba was a grand 93 years old. His mind was stuck 18 years ago. He was living his life as if he were 75 years old. Maybe there were a time when he absolutely had to go the mosque when he was 75. It was remarkable to see my baba talk like this. On another ocassion, he forced us to dress him up in formal clothes, complete with suit jacket and shoes because he had to deleiver some important documents to someone who had passed away now, but in his mind was alive.
The going-to-the-mosque conversation was the last one I had with him. It was a sweet time with him, and many times I felt like that he was holding on to his life because he wanted to see me before he let go of his life. Maybe I am wrong, but I know everyone has a personal connection with baba, and I have my own personal connection. Maybe God did not take away his life before He gave me a chance to speak with my baba one last time. I feel that very strongly.
His death was not a shock for us because we had seen him sick for so long that at the back of our minds, we all knew it was a matter of when. He passed away peacefully. The burial took the same day. It was over in a day. The realization that he had left us hit me couple of days later as I would sleep on my baba’s bed to give my grandmother company at night so she would not feel alone. The reality of the situation struck me deeply, but also knowing that we all have to go one day back to our Creator gave me peace in my heart. He has created us, and He will take away our lives. If you are comfortable with this fact, then death doesn't sound so bad after all.
Mansur
When I had reached Pakistan just before Eid, I was going to see my grandfather (baba) after more than a year. The last I saw him was in September 2004. He fell really sick and was hospitalized in January 2005 and his health had been deteriorating since then.
As soon as I entered the room, the first thing that struck me was how thin he had become, almost skeletal like. His arms had no flesh; instead it looked like skin covering his bones. He had become really weak and was lying there as if he were sleeping, eyes barely open. He did recognize me when I introduced myself. I could not register the shock I experienced when I saw him, but in front of baba I had to act natural.
Over the next few days, I did spend some time with baba. He was aware that I live in Dubai and he would be asking me questions about Dubai, even though he would slur many times when speaking. He had always been an intelligent person, seeking to increase his knowledge all the time, and even now, as he was lying sick in his bed, he would ask me general knowledge questions. His mind was still sharp, but we realized as days progressed that his mind was deteriorating, and his ability to keep up with his conversatiing was fading fast.
My grandmother never left his side, but one particular evening, I asked my grandmother to go with everyone to a function while I would stay behind and look after baba. She was happy I had offered to stay behind and skip out on the function. Two of my other cousins stayed with me as well. The particular conversation I had with baba that evening will always remain with me for as long as I can remember.
Baba was in bed, and I was holding his hand, rubbing it. He would respond to my rubbing his hand by clutching tight my hand. Suddenly he spoke out.
“Mansur. I need to go to the mosque to pray.”
“Baba. It’s 10:30pm. The mosque is closed now.”
He went quiet. But after 10 minutes, he told me he absolutely has to go to the mosque to pray. I would tell him that it is late, and that the mosque is closed and that he can go to the mosque for the Friday prayer. Again, he went quiet. Then, ten minutes later, he asked me to give him the ablution (wudhu). I got a bucket of water, and washed his hands, mouth, nose, face, arms and feet.
“Ok, now I am ready to go to the mosque,” he said.
“It is almost eleven, baba, we cannot go. Why don’t you pray in your bed?”
He would not take no for an answer. He was so adamant to go to the mosque, for reasons I did not understand. Then I asked him something which helped me understand his intentions.
“Baba, how old are you?”
Without even pausing for a second, his answer came out in an instant: “75 years old.”
In reality, baba was a grand 93 years old. His mind was stuck 18 years ago. He was living his life as if he were 75 years old. Maybe there were a time when he absolutely had to go the mosque when he was 75. It was remarkable to see my baba talk like this. On another ocassion, he forced us to dress him up in formal clothes, complete with suit jacket and shoes because he had to deleiver some important documents to someone who had passed away now, but in his mind was alive.
The going-to-the-mosque conversation was the last one I had with him. It was a sweet time with him, and many times I felt like that he was holding on to his life because he wanted to see me before he let go of his life. Maybe I am wrong, but I know everyone has a personal connection with baba, and I have my own personal connection. Maybe God did not take away his life before He gave me a chance to speak with my baba one last time. I feel that very strongly.
His death was not a shock for us because we had seen him sick for so long that at the back of our minds, we all knew it was a matter of when. He passed away peacefully. The burial took the same day. It was over in a day. The realization that he had left us hit me couple of days later as I would sleep on my baba’s bed to give my grandmother company at night so she would not feel alone. The reality of the situation struck me deeply, but also knowing that we all have to go one day back to our Creator gave me peace in my heart. He has created us, and He will take away our lives. If you are comfortable with this fact, then death doesn't sound so bad after all.
Mansur
Monday, December 12, 2005
Ecstasy!
Hey friends,
If there is one moment where I am ecstatic, it's right now! I have managed to get my picture thing fixed now....haha! Now I am having the last laugh! They thought they could block Flickr and dampen my spirits to write, but they thought wrong! Now I can have any profile picture, and have regular pictures on my blog too!!! Yes! Sheer determination led me to discover and fix my blog up!
Mansur
If there is one moment where I am ecstatic, it's right now! I have managed to get my picture thing fixed now....haha! Now I am having the last laugh! They thought they could block Flickr and dampen my spirits to write, but they thought wrong! Now I can have any profile picture, and have regular pictures on my blog too!!! Yes! Sheer determination led me to discover and fix my blog up!
Mansur
Harry Potter!
Hello all,
Back in 2003, when I would be traveling on the underground or the buses in London, I would see so many adults reading Harry Potter books. Why would adults want to read children’s books? I mean, aren’t Harry Potter books for kids, about magic and wizardry? No doubt that Harry Potter is a worldwide phenomenon and its author J.K Rowling is given credit to revive the interest of reading books in children.
During my recent trip to Pakistan, my 10-year-old cousin was reading the Harry Potter books, and she had all six of them. Our of curiosity, I picked up Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, the first book, and managed to finish reading it within a week. I had no idea how involving and interesting it could be. I picked up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, which is the second one, and am almost near the end.
Ever since the Harry Potter phenomenon has hit the world, there have been both praise and criticisms, and more often we hear criticisms of the books. Religious groups in the US claimed that Harry Potter is all about witchcraft and wizardry and these kinds of books shouldn’t be given to children to read. Islamic groups discouraged these books because it was about magic, which is discouraged in Islam. Other literary figures talked about how these books are not really well written and don’t stand up to the classic children books like The Chronicles of Narnia.
Personally speaking, I think Harry Potter books are fine, and they should not be read with the intention of seeking to be a wizard. These are fantasy books, where we get to see what an imaginary world of Wizardry and Witchcraft would be like if it existed. I also saw the first movie after I finished the first book, and will soon see the second movie as soon as I finish the second movie. The characters grow progressively and the books get darker and deal with more adult-like themes, namely death.
There was a huge noise about one of the principal characters getting killed in the sixth book, and these kinds of issues are not exactly children’s issues. Harry Potter is a huge publishing phenomenon, and although I have joined the bandwagon quite late, I must say I enjoy reading the books.
I am trying to finish up the second book so I can get to the third and fourth one, because they will soon be releasing the fourth movie here in the UAE.
Take care you all,
Mansur
Back in 2003, when I would be traveling on the underground or the buses in London, I would see so many adults reading Harry Potter books. Why would adults want to read children’s books? I mean, aren’t Harry Potter books for kids, about magic and wizardry? No doubt that Harry Potter is a worldwide phenomenon and its author J.K Rowling is given credit to revive the interest of reading books in children.
During my recent trip to Pakistan, my 10-year-old cousin was reading the Harry Potter books, and she had all six of them. Our of curiosity, I picked up Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, the first book, and managed to finish reading it within a week. I had no idea how involving and interesting it could be. I picked up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, which is the second one, and am almost near the end.
Ever since the Harry Potter phenomenon has hit the world, there have been both praise and criticisms, and more often we hear criticisms of the books. Religious groups in the US claimed that Harry Potter is all about witchcraft and wizardry and these kinds of books shouldn’t be given to children to read. Islamic groups discouraged these books because it was about magic, which is discouraged in Islam. Other literary figures talked about how these books are not really well written and don’t stand up to the classic children books like The Chronicles of Narnia.
Personally speaking, I think Harry Potter books are fine, and they should not be read with the intention of seeking to be a wizard. These are fantasy books, where we get to see what an imaginary world of Wizardry and Witchcraft would be like if it existed. I also saw the first movie after I finished the first book, and will soon see the second movie as soon as I finish the second movie. The characters grow progressively and the books get darker and deal with more adult-like themes, namely death.
There was a huge noise about one of the principal characters getting killed in the sixth book, and these kinds of issues are not exactly children’s issues. Harry Potter is a huge publishing phenomenon, and although I have joined the bandwagon quite late, I must say I enjoy reading the books.
I am trying to finish up the second book so I can get to the third and fourth one, because they will soon be releasing the fourth movie here in the UAE.
Take care you all,
Mansur
Friday, December 09, 2005
Put a top to this madness!
hey friends,
I am seriously contemplating not writing anything on my blog for a long time. I just feel like I am losing my drive to write effectivly and consistently. I don't know when the next time it will be for me to write here. I am not closing my blog down because I dont want to give up my blogspot address. So in effect, I am basically taking a long break from blogging. I do apologize to everyone who is inadvertently affected by my decision.
Take care you all,
Mansur
I am seriously contemplating not writing anything on my blog for a long time. I just feel like I am losing my drive to write effectivly and consistently. I don't know when the next time it will be for me to write here. I am not closing my blog down because I dont want to give up my blogspot address. So in effect, I am basically taking a long break from blogging. I do apologize to everyone who is inadvertently affected by my decision.
Take care you all,
Mansur
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
When the Earth Shook...
When the earth shook, the entire mountain range shook as if "God was shaking the mountain with his own hands." The "water in the rivers resembled water when it is boiling: bubbling and shooting up in the air." The sheer impact of the earthquake shook this range of mountain so violently that all the trees, rocks, boulders, houses and people came tumbling down in seconds. The avalanche grabbed everything on its way down, revealing a clean, white surface of the mountain surface underneath.
Mansur
Monday, December 05, 2005
Recuperating
Hey everyone,
Now that I am over my initial anger over the blocking of Flickr by UAE internet company, I guess written words are still very strong and powerful. They cannot block the words, can they? Hahaha! Also because Secret Diary Dubai is Blogger based, and that blog is too well known for UAE to block blogger, so as long as blogger exists I am happy.
There have been sooo much happening I want to share with you all in one go, but I will whet your appettite by giving you a small peek into what you can expect from my writing in the near future.
1. My trip to the earthquake affected areas-- too bad I cannot share the pictures now, they were truly amazing pictures, and even more truly amazing moments spent with the people there.
2. The death of my grandfather- a very profound moment for everyone, and why the funeral resembled a wedding party.
3. The horrible food bug that I caught on my last day there, causing me to vomit from the hour before we left home for the airport (I still remember vomiting in the plane's bathroom just few seconds before take-off!) I was hospitalized when I came here to Dubai and just got out two days ago.
Of course the erthquake posts will be spread over a series of articles and not one because there are too many things to talk about, all my observations, the difference between reality and what media portrays etc.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but a picture is worth a thousand words. Oh how I wish I could get to access my flickr account and post pictures. *sigh*
Take care you all,
Mansour
Now that I am over my initial anger over the blocking of Flickr by UAE internet company, I guess written words are still very strong and powerful. They cannot block the words, can they? Hahaha! Also because Secret Diary Dubai is Blogger based, and that blog is too well known for UAE to block blogger, so as long as blogger exists I am happy.
There have been sooo much happening I want to share with you all in one go, but I will whet your appettite by giving you a small peek into what you can expect from my writing in the near future.
1. My trip to the earthquake affected areas-- too bad I cannot share the pictures now, they were truly amazing pictures, and even more truly amazing moments spent with the people there.
2. The death of my grandfather- a very profound moment for everyone, and why the funeral resembled a wedding party.
3. The horrible food bug that I caught on my last day there, causing me to vomit from the hour before we left home for the airport (I still remember vomiting in the plane's bathroom just few seconds before take-off!) I was hospitalized when I came here to Dubai and just got out two days ago.
Of course the erthquake posts will be spread over a series of articles and not one because there are too many things to talk about, all my observations, the difference between reality and what media portrays etc.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but a picture is worth a thousand words. Oh how I wish I could get to access my flickr account and post pictures. *sigh*
Take care you all,
Mansour
Sunday, December 04, 2005
WHAT THE...???
Hey everyone,
As I was ready to come back to blog regularly from today, I realized that I am not able to see any pictures of mine on my own blog, not even my own profile. So, I try to go to Flickr to sort the mess, and lo and behold, Flickr.com is BLOCKED! I am so angry right now I am thinking of giving up blogging all together. How else can I express mself fully and creatively if I cannot even use graphics and images? This is just plain pitiful. So much for "freedom of thought and express." by the government of UAE. Maybe I need to move to the Dubai Internet City to get access to the blocked sites. Why oh why do innocent peoplel like have to suffer when some miscreants choose to abuse the freedom?
Mansur
As I was ready to come back to blog regularly from today, I realized that I am not able to see any pictures of mine on my own blog, not even my own profile. So, I try to go to Flickr to sort the mess, and lo and behold, Flickr.com is BLOCKED! I am so angry right now I am thinking of giving up blogging all together. How else can I express mself fully and creatively if I cannot even use graphics and images? This is just plain pitiful. So much for "freedom of thought and express." by the government of UAE. Maybe I need to move to the Dubai Internet City to get access to the blocked sites. Why oh why do innocent peoplel like have to suffer when some miscreants choose to abuse the freedom?
Mansur
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
A LOSS FOR WORDS
Hey friends,
Today 16th November 2005, at 3:30am, a heart stopped beating.
My paternal grandfather passed away.
Mashallah, he was an amazing 93 years old.
My grandmother is handling the situation with a very brave face, but the real impact of his loss will happen now as we learn to live each day knowing he will not be there in his familiar place in our home.
I have so much to write about him because I share a personal, special relationship with him that was born out of my three years of stay with my grandparents when I was in school in Pakistan. I wish I could get into all the details about him right now, but I am at a mere loss of words for such a huge loss in our family.
My mind is still at the graveyard where we buried him at 5pm. 6 feet below, my grandfather is laid to rest. I was able to handle myself very bravely the whole day as we received guests who dropped by, for the prayers, and for the actual burial. It was on my ride back home alone with the driver than I broke down as I realized this would be the first time I am coming to a home where my grandfather will not be there.
On a side note, I want to apologize to everyone out there for my inability to write on a more periodic basis, but I can assure you that I have made a trip to the northern earth-quake affected areas, and I have kept a journal with pictures, which I will share with you once I am back in Dubai. That experience in itself was life-shattering for me which I must share. On another smaller note, I have had a small surgery which has kept me away from the computer. My stay in Pakistan has been extended for another week because I want to be able to support my grandmother and not let her feel that she is alone right now. She needs us all very much
Friends, apologies once again for not being more consistent writing here. I am just going through a very surreal phase with profound feelings and emotions having experienced the loss of a grandfather who I had a very special place in my heart, and who himself has told me how special I was to him.
May God rest his soul in peace and grant him a special place in Heaven. Ameen.
Mansur :-<
Today 16th November 2005, at 3:30am, a heart stopped beating.
My paternal grandfather passed away.
Mashallah, he was an amazing 93 years old.
My grandmother is handling the situation with a very brave face, but the real impact of his loss will happen now as we learn to live each day knowing he will not be there in his familiar place in our home.
I have so much to write about him because I share a personal, special relationship with him that was born out of my three years of stay with my grandparents when I was in school in Pakistan. I wish I could get into all the details about him right now, but I am at a mere loss of words for such a huge loss in our family.
My mind is still at the graveyard where we buried him at 5pm. 6 feet below, my grandfather is laid to rest. I was able to handle myself very bravely the whole day as we received guests who dropped by, for the prayers, and for the actual burial. It was on my ride back home alone with the driver than I broke down as I realized this would be the first time I am coming to a home where my grandfather will not be there.
On a side note, I want to apologize to everyone out there for my inability to write on a more periodic basis, but I can assure you that I have made a trip to the northern earth-quake affected areas, and I have kept a journal with pictures, which I will share with you once I am back in Dubai. That experience in itself was life-shattering for me which I must share. On another smaller note, I have had a small surgery which has kept me away from the computer. My stay in Pakistan has been extended for another week because I want to be able to support my grandmother and not let her feel that she is alone right now. She needs us all very much
Friends, apologies once again for not being more consistent writing here. I am just going through a very surreal phase with profound feelings and emotions having experienced the loss of a grandfather who I had a very special place in my heart, and who himself has told me how special I was to him.
May God rest his soul in peace and grant him a special place in Heaven. Ameen.
Mansur :-<
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