Love- A Follow Up

Hey friends,

I am quite excited by all of your comments on my recent two articles. I felt like I needed to clarify my article on love. Some people are confused as to what kind of love I am talking about. So, here is a clearer definition of what 'love' means to me.

There are several kind of loves:

1. Love # 1: The kind of love you have for your parents and family members- the non-sexual kind of love
2. Love # 2: The kind of love you have friends: male or female- which is purely platonic, non-sexual kind of love
2. Love # 2: The kind of love you have for the opposite sex- the romantic stuff
3. Love # 3: The kind of love you have for God- the awesome reverence and fear of God

So, in other words, the way I love my God would be different from the way I love my sister. The way I love my girlfriend, for example, would be different from the way I love my dad. So keeping that in mind, the original definition of what loves means to me is when someone is ready to die for someone they love, that is the ultimate, the zenith, of what love is to me! Now, there are several ways we can show our love to one another, and following is my guideline as to how we can do that. Keep in mind, these ways to love someone is not based on sexual love, it can also be platonic love. Keep also in mind, the various kind of people who you love, not just your potential girl/ boyfriend, but also your siblings, school friends, friends at work, relatives, cousins etc etc.

Acceptance
Means receiving one another willingly and unconditionally, especially when one's behavior has been less than perfect. It might mean opening up our hearts to one another without regard to their faults, weaknesses or struggles. I think of a friend who has indulged in prostitution. I can go the easy way and say "you are out of my life because of the way you live." But, I choose to continue to love this friend. It is because I want the best for him.

Affection
Means expressing care and love through appropriate physical touch and loving words. Simple things, like a hug to your dad, a pat on the back of a friend, or simply saying I care for you to your girlfriend.

Approval
Means acknowledging and expressing gratefulness for another's qualities. Some of the qualities can include, but not limited to: boldness, compassion, diligence, humility, joy, love, loyalty, honestly, punctuality, obedience, understanding, virtue, wisdom and so on.

Attention (Care)
Means conveying appropriate interest, concern and care for one another, taking thought of another, or basically entering into another's world. Might mean to give up some of our own time, to spend time with someone else. Like, I sometimes give up my time to go watch a movie with my sister because she is dying to see it. Its when I don't complain when my mom wants to go shopping, because that is my way of showing love to her. It is when I accompany a friend to his first painting exhibition to support him and his ideas.

Comfort
Means responding to a hurting or a disappopinted person with words, feelings and touch. Hurting with friends in midst of their grief, sadness or disappointment. When a friend of mine recently went through a difficult time, in which she spent so much of her time and energy and tears in, I was equally as disappointed with her. My heart too wept with her. It was not enough for me to say "I am sorry." I sent her my thoughts, encouragement and helped her deal with her disappointment. My article on "why do bad things happen to good people" was a tribute to her and her situation. That's my way of showing love.

Encouragement
Means urging and persisting someone to reach for their goals. It might mean to stimulate one another to love and good deeds. It might mean encouraging someone to kick the bad habit, being there with them, and trying to get them to give up the bad habits. It would certainly mean expressing confidence in their abilities, and reminding them why they took the task which they did. A friend who was going through an IVF, to try for a baby, was dreading it. I reminded her why she had to go through it. I encouraged her, reminded her time and again of the end results and respected her opinions and goals. I was with her on her goal/ mission.

Respect
Means valuing and regarding one another highly; treating one another as important. It means to honor one another. A guy has to honor and respect his girlfriend, and vice versa. Too often I see guys being an angel when they are with girls, but behind their backs, in company of their male friends, doesn't show respect and honor to the girl. It also means respecting one another's interests, values and opinions.

Support
Means coming alongside the person you love, supporting them gently and helping them through their struggles or difficult time. It might mean looking for ways to share their burdens. I remember, when some of my friends would have difficult preparing reports for their final projects, I would help them out, support them and help lighten the loads for them.

So there you have it. It's quite lengthy, but this is my blueprint for loving someone. It's not enough to say "I love you." Loving someone is doing more than just saying; it require actions. Which is why, love to me is when someone loves someone so much that they would sacrifice their life for them.

Thanks for bearing with me!

Mansur