Reverse Cultural Shock

Hello everyone,

I had been meaning to write about the reverse culture shock I am going through in Pakistan. I have been away far too long to re-adjust back into my own culture. The problem is that I have lived abroad my whole life, and I have imbibed different cultural practices into my own, and so I live my life with a hybrid of cultures. There have been so many instances here where I feel like a huge outsider and wonder how people can do things the way they are. But it was yesterday when I really got mad and realized how upsetting everything is.

My mom and I were out shopping with our driver, when suddenly a woman driver and her dad crashed into us from the left side. Since it was our right of way, that woman thought she could slip by and make her way out. But it was a screech-bang and scratch on our car's left side. Of course, our driver and that woman got into a fight as to whose fault it was. My mom and I got involved and told the woman it was her fault for not letting us go and crashing into us from behind. Of course she didn't want to admit that. It was then her dad came out, came up to my mom and told her in her face "Tell your stupid driver to drive carefully." My mom stayed quiet. She only told me later what that man said to her. I was so angry, and I told mom next time to tell me if any man talks like that to my mom. Mom didn't retaliate because we are obviously much more educated and sophisticated to stoop to that man's level and say nasty comments back to him. I was so shocked at the shameless attitude of that man, and the audacity he had to talk to my mom like that.

This is just one of many incidents whereby rage builds up in me. It brings me the question of whether I can change the system around me, or whether I have to get into the system and be like one of them.

Staring
One thing that really bothers is the way people stare at me. I don't know whether it's my skin color or my height, but people just stare at me to the point where I start feeling uncomfortable. I have decided to stare back at them, and at times ask them if I can help them with anything. Only then do they quickly turn away. Aaargh! So annoying!


Spitting Paan
Another thing that really bugs me is the way people eat this thing called paan (sweets inside green leaf) which they chew on and on, and then like vomit, spit it all out wherever it's convenient: sidewalk, passageways, walls etc. So annoying, I now tell people who do that in front of me to clean it up or make a comment to make them feel guilty.

Marriage
Everyone I come into contact with wants to marry me off. It's like someone died and made all my relatives match-makers. Everyone thinks they know me well enough to recommend girls left right center. Every one's life mission here is to marry off all the singles out there. It's a massive deal to everyone that I am 30 and if I cross into 31 then I am cursed. The same thing goes for the girls: if they cross 23/24 then they are cursed and no one will want to marry them. Living abroad, who cares about the age factor? Who cares if I marry at 30 or 31? Sadly, in Pakistan, it matters a lot what age you marry!

Weight
This may be a universal but talking about one's weight every time you meet the same people over and over again surely means people are obsessed with weight. Every single conversation has to have issues about weight. "Oh you look fat. Stop eating" or "oh you look so thin! Eat more!" are standard lines. No one is happy with the way they look nor how other look. According to them, people should either be more thin or more fat from what they are are now (even if they are at their ideal weight!)

Road Rage
Yes, traffic is bad in Dubai and Saudi, but the road rage here is incredible. It's a miracle I am still alive doing all the driving on the roads out here. You cannot drive in Lahore unless you are used to dodging other cars/ trucks/ pick up/ cycles/ motorbikes/ rickshaws (local taxis)/ donkey carts/ horse carts/ bulls/ cows/ stray dogs/ people crossing roads blindly/ manholes/ fallen trees/ ducks/ little children....and once you avoid all of the above only then can you drive in Lahore! Every one thinks they have the right of way on the roads here. I have had moments where I had to stop in the middle of the road and force the car coming directly into me on my side of the road to force him to get back into his lane. Uncle warned me to not do this because people carry guns and anyone can just shoot me.

But every time I do that I feel like I will not be able to make a change. The system is such that everyone thinks they are right. It's extremely difficult to get these people to change their ways. The only thing I can do is either start a radical movement and go on a rampage, or simply just work around my own environment and live life my own way not letting these external influences bother me.

I now understand why my sister wants to leave Pakistan. I now understand why so many I know who come from abroad are not able to settle in well here. I am here for several important reasons, but who knows, maybe I might move out from here if things continue to progress the way they are in this country.

Mansur