Chapter EIGHTEEN

Chapter 18: Sexual Abuse

Gulf News Tabloid covered Child Abuse as their cover story on Sunday July 31 2005. It could not have been a timelier article as it addresses the concerns of the society here in the UAE. It is basically an interview with a counselor who has worked with such cases for more than 10 years in Dubai. I will summarize the main ideas from that article.

So what defines sexual abuse? Sexual abuse is an international crime that occurs when an adult or adolescent uses a child for sexual purposes. This involves exposing a child to any sexual activities or behavior and most often involves fondling and may include inviting a child to touch or be touched sexually.

Unfortunately, in Asian societies people tend to avoid uncomfortable issues and so not all cases are reported, which is why statistics are not entirely accurate. However World Health Organization reports that one out of ten children are being abused at any given time. That is a scary statistic. The figure could be higher if all cases were reported. The highest number of incidents takes place within the four walls of a supposedly secure home.

Which leads us to the fact that because cases go unreported, it is difficult to identify potential perpetrators. It could be someone in the family or a complete stranger, but because children find it difficult to talk about it, the abusers are free from any danger. Most adults and children are reluctant to report such a crime, and it is this silence, which allows for more abuses to take place.

There are some signs to see in a child should he or she be an abuse victim. Depression, anxiety, poor performance in school, withdrawn and afflicting self-injuries are just some signs. Usually there is guilt and shame involved stemming from the victim’s mind that he or she might have invited attention unto themselves, leading them into self-shame and pity.

The parents need to keep their channels very open towards the children. They need to maintain a very loving and caring attitude, and keep open communications, so should the kid want to talk about anything else, the kid will not be hesitant.

However, the worst case is when a child is abused by a family member, as that is the ultimate betrayal and trust of a loved one and could scar the child for the rest of his/ her life. However, the family support system is the greatest thing a child would need should the child choose to share his/ her story. It becomes important for the family members to believe in the story of the abuse and to not brush it off lightly. A child can recover from abuse, and can lead a successful life, should the child be given the support from his family.

Last year in Jeddah, for the first time a conference was held at the hospital regarding cases of sexual abuses in children in Saudi Arabia. Obviously the figures were very little, and that was because majority of the cases go unreported, which is understandable. People don’t want their families’ name and honor tarnished with sexual abuse. Many kids don’t talk about it out of fear, shame and guilt. If only these kids had information to help them understand that they are not guilty and that help is available. This conference was the first one, and hopefully as more awareness is spread, more kids can seek help in private.

Rafee unfortunately chose to keep his secret to himself for 15 years. The past had to catch up with him, and when it did, it grabbed him by his throat and made his life miserable. He was glad to have told his parents, as that was his greatest relief. He still tells me that when he told me his story for the first time, he just felt so relaxed in his mind and heart.

At the end of the day, the evil cannot be obliterated overnight, but it can be prevented and information is the best ammunition for arresting this social menace that transcends cultures, nationalities, genders and ages.