Chapter SIXTEEN

Chapter 16: Forgiveness

One of the things Rafee had to do to move on with his life was to forgive his abusers. That was something I had a difficult time understanding. How could Rafee so easily forgive the people who damaged his life? How could he simply let them go so easily? It’s like letting go of a murderer who just killed your best friend.

Rafee explained to me that he needed to forgive them. He needed to forgive them because otherwise he would continue to harbor anger and resentment for his whole life, making him feel miserable. He had to forgive them because he would then be able to break the chains that connected him to them. In order to move on with his life, to avoid such feelings of resentment, he had to let go of his ill feelings towards his abusers. And to do that, he forgave them.

Initially I was in shock at his reaction, but as he explained to me in details, I began to understand his motives and reason for doing such a thing. I don’t know if I would be strong enough to do this. Rafee certainly was. I mean, imagine forgiving someone who has abused you? We don’t forgive people who torture us, do we?

Rafee showed me that small booklet which he carries till this day, and he said that the woman in the book had to forgive her father who had abused her, in order for her to heal. He showed me a passage in the book, which talked about “loving and forgiving your enemies,” which the woman used to her advantage. That’s a radical teaching, and honestly, when Rafee forgave his perpetrators and began to see them as people with disturbed behavioral patterns, Rafee was able to move on with his life.

Rafee was confronted with mixed issues within Islam. There was little or no information of what Islam had to say about sexual abuse. Usually it is brushed over. Rafee had faith in God, but he needed answers. He felt cheated by God. Why didn’t God intervene and protect 10 year-old Rafee from being abused? Why wasn’t there any peace in his life? Why didn’t Rafee hear anything from God, as he would seek help from God in Mecca? Why didn’t Rafee find peace in his heart as he fasted during Ramadan? Why didn’t Rafee get any answers from God when he would weep during his night prayers?

At the most, whatever little information he found on sexual abuses from an Islamic perspective was of a condemning nature, and he remembered how the teacher gave that kid a long lecture at the Islamic school. He even sent questions to the religious section in the local newspaper couple of time, with no word back from them. Why deny such a thing? Is it too shameful to publish such an issue? Rafee was forced to seek help elsewhere.

He found peace in that small booklet, in particular to one verse that said, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” And that is what Rafee began to develop: Hope. Hope to successfully heal himself. Hope to help others who don’t have hope. Hope to make a difference in lives of abuse victims. Hope to move on. Hope to heal. Hope to live.