Chapter TWENTY

Chapter 20: Rafee Today

At times I could relate to Rafee because at times I have gone through verbal abuse, and I know what it feels like when other people call you names and make fun of you. You feel used. You feel like a piece of filth. As a 10 year old you don’t understand all that, but once you grow up, you realize that the comments the other kids made were immature and wrong. I know how mean it is for other kids to call names and make fun of you. I wish I had the power to take away the mean so the other kids don’t go through such kind of abuse. These few kids who are hell bent on making life miserable for others exists even in high schools. Bullying, name-calling, making fun are part of almost every school, although it varies from school to school. I remember in 11th grade when a bunch of guys wanted to harass a Chinese girl in my class. They had been calling her names and throwing spit balls at her in class all the times. I did not like what they were doing, and instead of telling them to stop I did something else. I became best friends with that Chinese girl, and once I did that, the harassment stopped. I received a lot of flak from the other kids, but I didn’t care.

I am sure you all are thinking: so where is Rafee today?

He is at that point of his life where he picking up the pieces of his shattered life. As he looks back on his life, he sees how much he has gone through. Right from his first experience at the age of ten, the fears, through to Mr. Khalid, to his eventual downfall, right to his panic attacks and near-hallucinations to his eventual recovery. He is making huge progress in his healing process. Rafee is thankful that he has been privileged enough to seek help, medication, counseling and all. He often thinks about the poorer kids in the poorer countries, who are forced into sex, traumatized, child soldiers, child prostitution, children being sold for money and so on, and realizes how good God has been to him to help him heal. When he thinks of such children, he realizes that his problem, although a big one, is something that he can handle. It’s not the end of the world for him.

One particular dream Rafee would have repeatedly is where he would be in his house, and Abdul and Mr. Khalid would be attempting to break into the house. They would break the windows at time, other time they would break in through the main door. They would try to come in through the kitchen door, through the roof, through any other ways possible. When they would finally enter the house, Rafee would be running around in the house, with these men after him. Rafee would try to install locks on windows and doors, but they would still break these locks.

As he worked through his sessions, and began to heal, Rafee shared with me one of his last dreams. In this one, Rafee was very successful in keeping Abdul and Mr. Khalid at bay. They were not able to enter his house. After banging on the main door and trying to break the window like ravaged madmen, these men would eventually leave. Rafee took great comfort in this dream because it signified to him that these men don’t control his life any longer. He is free from bondage.

When I asked Rafee if he has any regrets in his life, or whether he wishes he could go back into the past and change something. He said that he has no regrets, and if there were something he could change, it would of course be that Abdul had not laid his hands on him. Somehow, Rafee thinks all things happen for a reason, and in a weird way, he is glad that he went through this crap as it made him a stronger-willed, mature and wiser person today. His past events have shaped him into the person he is today. He learnt how to take all the bad things and change it for the good.

What would Rafee do today if he met Abdul or Mr. Khalid today? Would he hit them? Kill them? No. He would tell them that he has forgiven them, and that he harbors no ill feelings towards them. That’s what Rafee would do.

Rafee also recognized that having faith in God, and having Hope in life is what ultimately led him on his path to healing and recovery. He carries his booklet with him everywhere. The unconditional and un-biased love from his parents also helped him tremendously. However, his strongest support in life comes from that vision of the man who told him, “don’t be afraid.”