Marriage?

Hello all,

I am 28 years old, working and single. What’s so strange about that? Well, the single part. A lot of people today ask me the one most annoying question: “When will you marry?” This is followed with a slew of related questions: “What should the girl be like? Tall? Fair? Working?” and so on.

I am in an unfortunate position where I am not acquainted with a very large Pakistani group here in Dubai, as most of my friends, well all of them, are Lebanese, Iranians, Palestinians, Jordanians, Egyptians, and Americans among others. I love my circle of friends. The only drawback is that I cannot find any girl who I could consider for marriage.

There was one Iranian girl who I fell in love with, but did not share my feelings because it was premature at the time. For a year in university, as we would spend time together, in a group setting, I came to love and respect her a lot. We would never be alone at any given time, because I know that’s wrong. So, while she was an Iranian, and a Shia, my parents did not think it would be a viable situation because ‘what do you tell the kids?’ I may teach them to be Muslims the Sunni way, but then since kids spend more time with mothers, they may end up being Shias and self-flagellating during Muharram!

So that girl, although we are friends, is out of question for marriage. There were two other girls who I came to love and respect. One was in school, and is married now, and another was in high school, who got married and divorced because her husband turned out to be a bisexual. I wish I could have been there for her.

So, what are my options right now? I went online to places like Shaadi Online and Shaadi Dot Com (Shaadi= Wedding) but that was just for fun. My mom is looking for girls in Pakistan. She is my matchmaker and I will trust her decision because she knows what I want in my wife. Other relatives offer to pop in and suggest their ideal brides, and I am like, but you don’t even know what I want. At the end of the day, whoever the girl is, I will have the final say. Some people may think arranged marriages are crap and all, but I think it all depends on the situation. Sometimes arranged marriages work out better than love marriages and sometimes it’s the other way round.



Honestly speaking, I will tell you all, but you have to keep it to yourselves, I don’t feel like marrying. I want to stay single. I feel I can do so much more being single than in a marriage. I will be able to devote my time to serving other people and all. If I am married, I will be stuck in an institution where kids are expected and then working for your kids and all. I have no problems with that, I agree with marriage, but sometimes I think maybe marriage is not meant for everyone. I mean, we have monks and nuns who vow celibacy (let’s not talk about those who abused the kids) but am talking in general. What if I make my vow of celibacy to stay single my whole life? I can adopt kids and that will be my way of helping the orphans. I know some people may think I am a homosexual for not marrying and adopting a kid, and I will tell them to go mind your own crappy business, to broaden your minds and to think beyond what you see! I wish I could do that but pressure will be immense from my culture and family to get married.

On top of that, I have been through such difficult times of loneliness, I feel like I can live on my own. I am used to loneliness. Many people tell me I need the companionship, and when I will be 80, I will need someone to talk to and all. Sure, that’s true, but then when for almost 30 years of my life up till now, I have been a loner, why cannot I be like for that for the next 30 years? I don’t have a problem with loneliness because I have found a cure for it.

Islam encourages marriage, and doesn’t forces the Muslims to marry. I am encouraged to marry. I don’t have to. It will be nicer for everyone see me married, and have kids and all, but then, am I marrying for my own personal life or for the culture and people surrounding me?

Mansur